My siblings and I officially said goodbye to our mother yesterday.

The day was filled with activity. Getting to the church to make sure that everything was in place. Greeting friends and family and all who wanted to pay their final respects.

It was an awesome service. So many people came to speak well of and declare their love and adoration for Gwendolyn. Our pastor, who she loved like a son, eulogized her and encouraged us, her children with an individual word for us that will help us to move forward.

The repast was so fast paced that I hardly got a chance to sit down and eat.  because I was greeting so many people. And so many there were my pastor at our church, took care of the repass so that our family wouldn’t have to lift a finger. The love that was shown to us for our mom’s sake is unlike nothing I’ve ever received from a group of people that weren’t physically related.

After the repast came the ‘after party’ at my sister’s house. Family and close friends only. It was a reunion of sorts as we had seen people that we hadn’t seen in a very, very long time. Aside from cousins, nieces and nephews, there was a long line of friends that we grew up with who also loved mom.

My son Q came down from Seattle to say goodbye to his grandma and I was over the moon about it. 32 years old and still my baby. On his visits, he toggles between my house and his dad’s house so that we both get equal time. But he also makes sure to see his friends This night he decided to sleep over at my place

The next morning, as I was talking to my two sisters, I mentioned that when Q awakes, we would go to breakfast. They decided to tag along and meet us there. We had an awesome breakfast. We talked and laughed. My sisters got some quality time with their nephew. They got to know the 32 year old man.

After that, we dropped him off at my place and my sisters and I went to the beach. We enjoyed each other’s company for a while and then I came home. And I was alone.

The day after mom’s memorial, and all the activity has stopped. I’ve done what I was supposed to do, which was to make sure she had a wonderful sendoff. And now I’m all by myself and I don’t know what to do. I realized that as long as I was doing something, the tears had no desire to stream down my face. But the noise has quieted and now the noise is me – sobbing my eyes out because I want my mom back.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that to be absent from the body is to be present with the lord, that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning, that she’s in a better place, that she’s no longer suffering. But none of those cliché phrases makes it easier to live with. But they do give me hope.

Without a doubt, my mother loved me. And she was an awesome mother. But what I have left is my memories and bits and pieces of her story that also framed mine. And now, it’s on to the next chapter.